Neighborly invasion

I don't really know my neighbors that well. The ones I have a super cute gay couple, a large grumpy/nice sometimes smoking couple and the noisy ones upstairs. In my dream someone tried to get into our home and you could tell it was a drunk neighbor because they were using keys. So finally, I got up to tell them they have the wrong door. They need to go to their house. This angers them. They then try to break in by banging their bodies and a brook showed up at one point. I started to panic and had my sister dial the police than she hands to the phone to me, I was busy trying to hold the door shut. I tried to explain the police what was happening and I was so nervous because if I report this it will be so awkward to live next to them from now on...

I'm pretty sure this happened because before I fell asleep I swear I heard someone knock on our door, at like 1am. SO I WAS NOT ABOUT TO ANSWER IT.

Buckle your seatbelt for this one

Ok, there is absolutely no connection between these "scenes". But my roommate/sister did wake me up at 7am this morning talking too loud on her phone and asking for some socks. SO maybe when I fell back asleep thats when the dreams disjointed, I'm not too sure.

Here we go...(all arms and feet in at all times)

The first one I remember was sitting at my grandmother's table and my two sisters and my brother were doing shots in memory of my youngest aunt, Vicky, getting divorced years ago. The date on the cake said January something, I wonder if thats anywhere close to the date. These shots weren't just regular pour and drink shots, one was in the form of cake, one was a thick syrup and the other was like 8 oz. And they were all apparently hard to swallow, they all made terrible faces afterward. Then I got to eat the last of the celebration cake with the date on it. (That's how I remember the cake. Oh and I ended up wearing a Beyonce like metal gladiator mini dress and THIS my grandmother didn't approve, so she made me wear one of her old lady dresses. Fin.

This dream seamed to have the same local as the previous but it was pouring outside and there was a collection of birds in my grandma's kitchen. One bird in particular that scared me. I tried to draw it to show how effed up my mind can be, But to describe, it was large, about the size of a small cat or possum. It had a large beak with the tip of the beak elongating into a sharp curled point. It had Large, unproportionately large tallons. They looked like they belonged to a eagle, like thick and sharp. Then this is where it gets weird, as if it hasn't already, the midsection of the bird was filled with tiny little legs like thie underbelly of a rolly polly or a patoto bug. Which made sense because with this bird you could roll it up like a rolly polly. Which someone did, my real life boss. Which totally makes sense, I just had an epiphany, because just a few days ago at work we found one and i didn't want to touch it so he picked up and made it roll up. ANy who, these birds including the scary one, kept getting out of the cage and were attracted to movement. So I kept staying still hoping they'd ignore me but every once in a while I'd get scared and make a sudden movement and they'd come for me!

Scurry.

Fin.

Next dream was Bill Ray Cyrus lived across the stret from Michael Jordan's dad and was always trying to impress him, and Mr. Jordan knew it. So one day, as a joke I think, invited Bill Ray over for an eating competition. If he could complete it he could have like 2 minutes of his time. Item to be ingested were: paper, ice cream, girls' scout cookies, and brownies. It was a massive amount of food and he had to eat it all in 10 minutes. But he did. He won. Did I mention he had to eat paper? That seemed to be the most time challenging.

Fin.

A guest entry

Here is a dream my friend Kathleen M., member of All The Apparatus, had about me:

"Kim, I had this weird dream with you in it. You worked for your mom's salon and dressed in a sweatshirt and booty shorts and you wanted me to dye my hair.


The funny part is that it was supposed to be a real high class salon and you were the receptionist, and dressed that way."

Bad Omen

I had a dream my car was hit but the insurance company wouldn't pay for it because I am liability only. I am looking at insurances now...

Peru and a dead body. Yum!

I have never seen a picture of Macu Picchu. Or at least I don't think so. I am pretty sure, as I was looking for pictures of it this morning, I am positive that I've never seen a picture of it.

Now, for my dream. I went to Peru on vacation my an odd variation of my family: My mom, Dad and my brother David. (Dad not living right now, and missing my two sisters). So we are driving up a windy road with cliffside. So my mom is driving and she is driving too fast for my liking and so I tell her it's a 10 mph and she needs to slow down. She doesn't slow down so I start to yell at her. Then I start to scream at her. I am so scared we are going to drive off the cliff and die. But right as we are making the turn and I am freaking out I see the peak of the mountain. Then that freaks me out because now we are taking a turn too fast and now she is looking NOT at the road. Not calming me down.

So we get to this village to take pictures of the mountain and I do not have my real camera with me since this was somewhat of a impromptu trip. So as I am taking pics with my iPhone, none of them are turning out. There is a company there that sends a signal that basically jams your phone so you cannot take pictures with your phone, it would put an ad or a graphic over the picture I took to distort it. Irritated with my phone I borrowed my brothers digital SLR. As I am zooming in through the view finder I see a dead body flowing through a muddy waterfall. So, I try to take a picture of it so people would believe me but because it was such a far zoom it was difficult to find it again. So I didn't say anything.

Revenge, Torture and Pom Poms

When I am sick, and I'm taking NyQuil or Advil PM to help me sleep I have the weirdest dreams and I am so sad that I haven't blogged any of them from my deathbed this weekend, because they were strange.

Last night was woodsy themed.

It started out me in California driving from SF (Where Kolin currently lives) to Newark (where I grew up), but for some reason I wasn't getting it right. I kept driving back and forth on the highway, which was covered in trees like if you were driving further north in California, and I randomly saw Zach Drive. So I turned on it. Went to a house that belonged to a friend of mine from College, Zach Harris. And knocked and he wasn't home. So I called him, (I don't have his number anymore in my cell phone in real life), and asked him when he'd be home, he said after 5. I didn't want to wait, it was just a spur of the moment thing. So I drove on. And I remember feeling super confused about where I was going, there was no real point this was prob my first dream of the night.

This dream was like watching a movie.

The second dream, the one I kept trying to keep in my mind as I ran to my laptop to write it down was the movie like dream. I wasn't in it as myself, I was someone else, not sure who but I was in it not sitting on a couch watching it. But the weird thing was as the 'movie' was going I knew some of what was going to happen, like the tone and such.

So it was a group of grown soon-to-be-middle aged men. They were on some kind of camping trip. One was a doctor, a surgical doctor. I don't remember his name for for story telling's sake let us call his Jake. Jake and his buddies were out in the woods doing their thing when they heard a noise of in the darkness so they looked, because they thought they were alone.

So they get quiet and look and they eventually see a parked old bronco on the hill just a ways from where they were camping. They didn't know of anyone who lived out here and they were curious so they went to investigate.

They end up checking out the car and finding a house that they ended up going into and making home. They heard some rustling out side and went out on the patio and there was a high-school cheerleading squad in formation to begin a routine. So this Jake, (who kind of looks like Keifer Sutherland), gets a show. These girls look like misfits, uniforms were not matching, hair and make-up was obviously done individually, and the routine was amateur. After they stopped one girl, the obvious captain, spoke up and explained to Jake that they need his help to become the best for regionals. Even though he was a surgeon, not a cheerleading coach, he apparently was the one to go to in this town. And now that house they are in is now his, like he lives in it and his wife was suddenly there (Sorry). He walks through the rows of girls and sizes them up, and being a bit of an old man pervert as well. His wife shows her upset and stomps out because she knows that captain is up to no good, she knows she wants to sleep with her husband. Then after a few negotiations of price they come to a conclusion that he will coach them for $2,000 and they get nicer uniforms, he will not be connected to such a sloppy looking team. He tells the girls the patio is a prime place for practice and they throw a fit and grumble. So he gets the idea to create a stage in his new large backyard out of what looks like white picnic tables, but hey in dream-world that works.

Then as movie tend to do, you assume he has been working hard with the team and indeed he is getting closer to the captain, lets call her Tiff. So Jake ends up with a couple of his guy friends from the beginning and Tiff supposedly knows this really "awesome" hotel that she knows someone so that they can stay and party at for free, she knows a back way in and everything.

So as they are going through the back of this hotel his buddies are telling him they don't like the idea that a married man is hanging out with a high school girl. He shrugs them off and goes on ahead anyways. So they get to this "suite" and it looks terrible just the kind of hotel that backwoods trashy people would things is super nice. It has pinball machine and other classic arcade games but was trashed and really travel-lodgey decorated. As time goes the guys get uncomfortable and leave, they don't want to be there with their bet bud and a 17 yr old.

So now that they are alone she goes in for the kill. Right as she gets him naked she ties his down and leaves the room and comes back to the kitchen with a older man. They connect him to some kind of torture device and begin their torture. Jake, not having a clue what's going on, pleads them to stop and tell him what he has done wrong and who this man is. After electrocuting his for a while the older man reveals that he is Tiff's father, let's call him Stew. Jake apologizes that he was thinking about having an affair with his daughter and he will never touch her again. But that was not what Stew was looking for. He continued to torture him until Jake was breaking down. This seemed like a good time for a flashback, and just like a thriller movie, there was the confession from the "killer" paired with the awesome memories of the vengeful killer, Stew. He explained to Jake that he was the man that Jake accidentally removed his testicles in a surgery a few years ago. The surgery documents mis-stated his surgery and was not in for testicular removal but something else. But The paper's got switched or something and the wrong surgery was performed. When Stew came to in the hospital he was horrified about what happened. He felt like his life was taken away from him by this doctor. So he has been plotting his revenge for 3 years to take away his life like he did him. He was going to take his man berries.

The end.

Valentine's Day Talent Show

This one was awesome. Mario Lopez and I were performing a number together for a talent show. It was a V-day themed show. Everyone was wearing red, pink, and rhinestones. I don't remember too much about the performance except that it was uber sexy and awesome, of course. Then after the performance he was so excited and proud about the bit that he insisted I call me best friend from high school, Ana Peterson, and tell her how awesome he did. In my dream, it was understood that he had a thing for her and this was his way to impress her. I do not remember much after that.